I have a cat. His name is Captain Jack. He is stupid. He thinks (or maybe not) that containers with liquid in them are supposed to be knocked over. He is very good at knocking over such containers. He also likes to climb into the bathtub and drink from the faucet.
I have a waterbed. Last week we noticed that there was water in the bed. The water is supposed to stay on the inside of the water mattress, but it was outside. I went to the waterbed store, borrowed an electric pump, drained the waterbed, dragged it out of the house, all to see if I could find a leak.
When I returned to the bedroom I noticed a bottle of water lying in the liner. The cap was off and there was a little bit of water left in the bottle. I said to myself, "Self, have you gone to this much trouble because Captain Jack knocked an open bottle of water off the nightstand into the bed?" Myself answered me and said, "That stupid cat is gonna die!"
So I changed into a black shirt and black pants, so I could be the man in black, went looking for Jack, and when I found him I sang, "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now you're gonna die! And if I ever have a (grand)son, I think I'm gonna name him…." Who am I kidding - I'm not gonna name my grandchildren!
Before I brought the mattress back into the house I still wanted to inspect it to see if there were any leaks, but needed to wait for it to dry. Some time later I began my inspection. I noticed tiny little holes, too many to count, that appeared to have been caused by an animal with claws. This clawed animal had apparently walked across the mattress and punctured it. I think I know which clawed animal it was and I'm going to sing to that cat when I see him next.
I still have a cat. I don't still have a waterbed. It is currently residing in the landfill.
I have a waterbed. Last week we noticed that there was water in the bed. The water is supposed to stay on the inside of the water mattress, but it was outside. I went to the waterbed store, borrowed an electric pump, drained the waterbed, dragged it out of the house, all to see if I could find a leak.
When I returned to the bedroom I noticed a bottle of water lying in the liner. The cap was off and there was a little bit of water left in the bottle. I said to myself, "Self, have you gone to this much trouble because Captain Jack knocked an open bottle of water off the nightstand into the bed?" Myself answered me and said, "That stupid cat is gonna die!"
So I changed into a black shirt and black pants, so I could be the man in black, went looking for Jack, and when I found him I sang, "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now you're gonna die! And if I ever have a (grand)son, I think I'm gonna name him…." Who am I kidding - I'm not gonna name my grandchildren!
Before I brought the mattress back into the house I still wanted to inspect it to see if there were any leaks, but needed to wait for it to dry. Some time later I began my inspection. I noticed tiny little holes, too many to count, that appeared to have been caused by an animal with claws. This clawed animal had apparently walked across the mattress and punctured it. I think I know which clawed animal it was and I'm going to sing to that cat when I see him next.
I still have a cat. I don't still have a waterbed. It is currently residing in the landfill.
1 comment :
This is so funny, Pastor Brian!
Savannah, B.C, Mom, and Dad all read it and we laughed so hard.
Savannah recently got a cat and she attacked the Christmas Tree, climbed to the top, and then couldn't get down.
Dad wants to know if you will exorcise Smokey (our cat). lol. She also tripped me down the stairs this morning. She is like a Koala; She sleeps 20 hours a day and plays for 4.
My mom said that if Kitty doesn't stop messing with her tree she worked so hard on the Kitty will be joining Papa. LOL.
Sorry about your waterbed. Hope you can get a new one.
Much Love 4 you,
Jenny
Clark
Savannah
Mom
Dad
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